Thankful for Old Journals

I decided to read an old journal yesterday. It's filled with some poems and ramblings, and there are still many empty pages. I guess I just gave it up because I wasn't feeling inspired enough.

So a few days ago, I decide to pick it up and read it. What a blessing! The things I wrote reminded me of who I am and Who I live for. It helped me to regain my perspective on life, and to remember that God is the only One who matters. Here's an excerpt...

(Sun Jan 3rd, 2010)

There is SO MUCH

I'm unsure of

- the future holds many

unknown things...

Where am I going?

Who will I be with?

Will I be happy?

I, I, I...

But it's not about "I"

It's about

You, Lord

Where do You want me?

Who do You want me to be with?

Are You pleased with me?

But even then...

The details

don't matter

All that matters is that I'm

following You.

Friends - Part Two

I don't know how I survived without talking to people before...how did I hide all those emotions inside of me without blowing up? It has become so much easier for me to talk and express my feelings - not to everyone, of course, but to certain people. There's still a long ways for me to go in this area, but with God's help, I am growing and changing.

Two weeks ago, I wrote about one of my good friends, J. Tonight, I have another friend on my heart, one that I've been close with since the beginning of high school - we will refer to him as G. I've written about him on here before, in this post and this one.

We met on the first day of Grade 9 in Religion Class. I was too shy to say hello to anybody, but he quickly introduced himself. The rest, they say, is history! From the beginning, he was always there for me, through the good times and the bad...and although we sometimes drifted apart during the school year, we would always hang out in the summer. It's going to be hard saying goodbye to him when September comes - who am I going to text when something's on my mind? Who will I call when I desperately need someone to hang out with?

Well, September is still far away, so I may as well enjoy my time while I can! I thank God for our friendship, for how He has blessed me with someone I can be open with and who accepts + understands me. If you're reading this, G, I hope you know how much our friendship means to me (despite all our "nagging" and "arguing" in English...really, what does Mrs. A know?).

Thank You, Lord, for teaching me to trust. Remind me that you are my perfect friend, and the One who will never fail me. I am so blessed by all the friendships you have placed in my life. I ask that you help me shine Your light to them, and point them to You.

Finding Peace

Today, I found peace in an unexpected place - gardening. I didn't expect to enjoy this... "hobby" ...but I gave it a try and actually enjoyed myself!

My mom and I went to the gardening store, and I got to pick out what flowers I wanted to put in my pot. There were so many options, but I managed to find some I liked (don't ask me what they are...I do believe one is a petunia, though!). After picking out all the flowers I liked, I got two pots and attempted to pour dirt in them (attempt because I got more dirt on the floor than in the pot). Then I placed the flowers in an arrangement I liked, and voila - all done. I can't wait to see them grow!

I loved finding peace in the garden and getting my mind off of circumstances and events. Instead of worrying, I focused on the beauty of God's creation and rested in His presence.

Thank You, Lord, for giving me this time of solitude and joy.

Here's Isis and I on the deck with one of my pots :)

Joy comes in the morning...

Nights are the worst time of day for me. I can fake my way through the rest of the day, putting on a smile and pretending that everything is fine...but once I get alone in my room and the silence starts to cover me, I break down. I can cry for hours and hours until I am so tired that I pass out from exhaustion. It's an awful experience - and really, it doesn't happen all that often. But on the nights that it does, I am completely broken and hurt.

I call them my "panic attacks." They happen when I choose to look at situations and circumstances in my life instead of at Jesus. They happen when I let the pain overwhelm me instead of praying for God to heal my wounded heart. I know I am at fault, I know that I need to keep trusting in the Lord and to let Him hold me when I fall apart. Writing it down is so much easier than actually doing it, though.

Lamentations does such a good job of describing how I feel. After a bunch of...well, lamenting, hope is found..."Yet this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning, great is Thy faithfulness." - Lamentations 3:21-23

How true those words are! For no matter how broken and miserable I am during the night, hope always comes in the morning. I feel new, restored, and alive. The Lord is so good to me, and I praise Him for His faithfulness. He will help me through these tough times, if I only trust, and wait on Him.

On another note, here are some pictures from my friend's graduation party. I hope you enjoy them!

Here's the whole group of us at J's Party...

The Ladies...

J and all the men (my boy is the ridiculously handsome one on the right)

Me + the boy :)

Yes, that is right, you are seeing snow out the window...

The party eventually turned into a whole bunch of dancing...

Friends

This Saturday, one of my best friends is having her graduation party. Since she is home schooled and doesn't get an "official" graduation, she's invited her close friends and family to a formal dinner. We are being asked to bring in an encouraging note/story so that she can read it at the party.

Writing the note to her has made me realize just how valuable her friendship is to me. Both of us have a common passion for Jesus, and that is evident in all the conversation we have. Every time I talk to her or see her, even if it's just for a moment, I am inspired by her commitment to following Christ. She is one of my only friends with whom I can talk to about spiritual thing - not because I'm not comfortable with other people, but because she is comfortable with me. Not many people today are willing to open up and be real with others, but when you do find someone like that, it is an enormous blessing.

I am thankful today for her friendship, and for all the other friendships that draw me closer to the Lord and help me on my walk. After all, God never meant for us to be alone on this journey.

The Importance of Prayer

We are so quick to shrug off prayer times, aren't we? Well, I know that I am. When it comes down to it, I don't spend nearly enough time in prayer. I usually mumble a few words before going to sleep, and even then, I sometimes fall asleep before I'm finished.

Prayer is so important in a believer's life. It's communication with God - with THE God, the Creator of the Universe, the One who came to the earth as man to die for our sins. What a privilege and a blessing to be able to freely talk to Him. And yet, I seem so quick to forget who I'm talking to...perhaps it's because I don't actually see God in all His glory and majesty. Just because I don't see it, though, doesn't mean His presence is not there in the room with me. Nor does it lessen the fact that I am talking to the Lord of Lords, the Most Holy of all.

I would love to be like the elders in Revelation who fall on their faces before the throne of God...so this week, I vow to a) go to bed early, and b) spend at least 10 minutes in prayer while c) sitting on the floor instead of laying in bed. I hope this will become a regular occurrence. I have no doubt that after spending time with the Lord, I will long for His presence on a daily basis.

The seventh angel sounded his trumpet, and there were loud voices in heaven, which said: "The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of his Christ, and he will reign for ever and ever." And the twenty-four elders, who were seated on their thrones before God, fell on their faces and worshiped God, saying: "We give thanks to you, Lord God Almighty, the One who is and who was, because you have taken your great power and have begun to reign. - Revelation 11:15-17