Thankful Thursday

It's been a long time since I participated in this - mostly because my Thursdays are ridiculously busy...I have singing lessons and then work right after, and I don't get back until 8:00. But today, I decided to join in because I want to come before the Lord with a prayer of thanksgiving.

Father, I am so thankful, firstly for who You are. The things You do and what You bless us with are great, but they are nothing compared to You. You are my treasure, Lord, the One I most desire. I thank You for being loving and kind, for forgiving us, and for welcoming us into Your arms when we come running. I am in awe of Your wisdom and Your sovereignty, for what can I know about heavenly things? - they are too lofty for me to understand. Yet You know everything, Lord, You surpass us all in knowledge. I come before You humbled, with a heart that flows with gratitude.

This past week has been so incredible, God. You have taken me on a journey that will bring me closer to You, and I thank You for that. I am so blessed by all the changes You are making in me, for the freedom that You've given to my heart. I realize, Lord, that I don't need to hide or protect myself, for You are my Mighty Protector and Shield. I can open my heart to others, trusting that You will keep it safe from harm. I pray that I continue to grow in You, and become a woman who is more deeply in love with You.

Lastly, I want to thank You for a friend that has been such an encouragement and inspiration to me. It has been a long time since I've allowed myself to open up to friendships and to be real and honest, but You have provided me with someone who I can do that with. I am so grateful for our friendship, Lord, for how it brings me closer to You. I pray that she may continue to seek Your heart, and to continually find rest and peace with You.

There are so many things to be thankful for, Father, but these are the ones that are weighing on my heart this week. I love You, and thank You for pursuing me with a passion that burns away all my doubts and fears. I pray that this prayer would be pleasing to You, and that it would glorify You. In Your Son's name, Jesus, I pray. Love,

Answered Prayer :)

I blogged a prayer for satisfaction a few days ago, and the Lord has answered it :) I can't even express in words just how good He has been to me the past few days. I feel so blessed to be loved by such an amazing, beautiful God. I sit here typing, tears in my eyes because I am so grateful for who He is and what He is doing.

Reading through Captivating has stirred a longing in me, a longing for more of Him. I thirst for Him and can't imaging a day without His closeness. I love Him more than life, and would do anything for my King.

The first few chapters of the book have been so challenging and difficult, but also full of truth. I feel as if the book were being written to me specifically. Sometimes I wonder is John and Stasi read through my old journals and decided to base this book on them! All of my questions are being answered...and I am beginning to understand who I am and who God wants me to be.

My whole "hiding issue" was addressed in the chapter I read today. I have known for quite some time that it was something I needed to deal with. When I read Captivating last time, I touched upon this issue briefly. I understood it, but I didn't take any steps to change. I am determined to do that this time! I have faith that God will change and heal my heart.

Here's a few quotes from the book that were a great help to me:

"At some core place, maybe deep within, perhaps hidden or buried in her heart, every woman wants to be seen, wanted, and pursued." (pg.10)

"Sometime the idea of living as a hermit appeals to all of us. No demands, no needs, no pain, no disappointments. But that is because we have been hurt, are worn out. In our heart of hearts, that place where we are most ourselves, we don't want to run away for very long. Our lives were meant to be lived with others. As echoes of the Trinity, we remember something. Made in the image of a perfect relationship, we are relational to the core of our beings and filled with a desire for transcendent purpose. We long to be an irreplaceable part of a shared relationship." (pg.12)

"A woman's struggle with her sense of worth points to something glorious she was designed to be. The great emptiness we feel points to the great place we were created for." (pg.22)

And those are just my favourites from the first two chapters! I'm so excited to read the rest of this book and learn more about my God and the life He desires for me. I am so full of joy - my heart is full and at rest. There is no where I'd rather be than here in His presence. I pray that all broken, wounded, and lost women would experience the great love and mercy that our God offers. :)

Captivating

I know I've blogged about this book before, but something is making me mention it again. These next few days are going to be a little...trying for me. The whole youth group is at CFAW in Virginia while I'm at home (working) and wishing I was there with them. This has been causing a lot of doubt and fear to take hold in me - thoughts of the future, where I'm going to go, and what I'm going to do. I'm scared - terrified!!!!

Yet I know God has not given me a "spirit that makes you a slave again to fear" (Romans 8:15), but the "Spirit of sonship." Fear is a sin, because it undermines God's sovereignty and greatness. When we fear, we are not putting faith in our awesome and amazing God, but rather choosing to be afraid of the future. For although we don't know what is planned for our lives, we can trust that it will be in God's hands.

When I read this book a few months ago, it changed something in me. It awakened a desire to live a life completely sold out for Him. Unfortunately, since it was a library book, I had to return it, so I didn't get much time to reflect on what I had learned. I knew, however, that God wanted me to continue discovering, so I went to the Christian bookstore and bought my own copy.

Over the next twelve days, I am going to be reading the book chapter by chapter, letting everything sink in. I want to change, to be more like Jesus, to have have a heart that is fully His. I want to be satisfied, to have a joy that transcends earthly circumstances, and to love Him with everything I have. God calls me captivating - and I want nothing more than to live as if I believed that to be true.

Praying for Satisfaction

Dear Father,

I want to be fully satisfied in You. To have nothing else in this world matter but Your love, to have thoughts of You consume my mind, to be Yours alone. I am trying to get to that place through my own strength, but as You can see, it isn't working. I can do nothing by myself, for I am not strong enough. It can only be through Your strength and Your will that I am drawn close to You. I ask that You would satisfy me, Lord, that You would hold me in Your arms and show me Your love.

Busy = Being Under Satan's Yoke

I just love that acronym because it's so true. We make so many excuses to not commune with God by reading the Bible, praying, going to church, etc - and "being busy" is probably number one on the list. We have to realize that busyness is a way for Satan to get us away from spending time with God and to get us focused on our life & our problems instead of on God. The next time you use being busy as an excuse, think about whether or not that is true...are you really too busy to spend time with the Lord of the Universe? Is doing laundry more important than meeting with Him?

Start of a New Semester...

Exams are finally done and over with - well, at least until we receive our final report cards! Luckily, I don't have to think about that for another few weeks. For now, I have a new semester to focus on, which comes with feelings of excitement and a whole new set of butterflies in my tummy. One would think that after doing this for the eighth time, I would be a seasoned veteran and able to adjust to the new timetable smoothly.

Unfortunately, I am a bundle of nerves when it comes to change. I can't stand having my order disrupted, especially if I have no control over it. My new timetable looked to be promising, however, and I had already found out that many of my friends would be in my classes. Musical Theatre went by without any problems, and History and English (two of my favourite subjects!) were so much fun. The one snag in my day happened when I arrived in Vocal class, feeling like a complete outcast and reject when compared to the elite of the musical people in our school.

Now, one thing you must know about me is that I love to sing. It has been my passion since I started voice lessons seven years ago and has continued to this day. I know I'm never going to be the next Amy Grant or go on to American Idol, but I like to think that I have an amiable, "pretty" voice. Yet when I'm surrounded by my class who flaunt their amazing vocal skills around shamelessly, I start to get incredibly nervous and uncomfortable singing around them. Their cliquey, gossipy nature and the favour bestowed on them from the teacher add to the discomfort I feel.

Yet I know God has placed me in this class for a reason, even though I do not see it right this second. I know I am to act like Jesus would - loving your enemies, granting forgiveness, and offering kindness to all. Putting that into practice will be the challenge, for I'm not on great terms with the teacher or with the students in the class. But I must also remind myself who I'm out to please - not my fellow peers or teachers, but God. His standards are my standards, and if what I do pleases Him and is in line with His word, then there is nothing else I desire.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?" -Psalm 27:1