The Joy of Children

A child's joy is contagious. It is nearly impossible to wipe a smile off their face or to get them to stop laughing. Naturally, their good mood translates over to you, and you begin to feel their happiness. You recall what it was like to be a child, to be innocent and carefree and not have any cares in the world.

Working at Kumon (a tutoring franchise), I get to spend a lot of time with young kids around the ages of 3 - 7. There is one child in particular whom I look forward to seeing every day at work. He's a four year old boy who is an absolute genius...he can read fluently, and spell perfectly...and his mathematics make me feel inadequate (he knows what 7+9 is without thinking about it). Although his intelligence level is inspiring, what I like most about him is how much joy he passes on to me. He always walks in with a smile, tells silly jokes, and complements me on how I look. He makes my job the best job in the whole world.

I love how God places people, events, and circumstances in our lives that all point back to Him. The joy found in the kid I tutor is a reflection of God's joy when He sees people being saved or His children delighting in His love. It's also an example of the joy that I should have within me. I pray that I may have such happiness within me every single day of my life...even when the tough times come around.

Thankful for the Trials

Lots of people go through trials, pain, and suffering. We are told that it is part of the Christian life, that to be more like Jesus, we need to experience what He did. We learn so much from trials, and the joy experienced on the other side is well worth the pain. God refines us through the fire, and He makes us more like Him.

I feel like very single day is a trial, like there is no "other side", just this one constant place of hurt. As soon as one problem is solved, something else comes up, and the roller coaster starts once again. People have ups and downs...whereas I seem to only have a down.

Recently, I've been asking God "why?" Why do things have to be the way they are, why can't there be peace in my life, why must there always be a problem? Why, why, why? I want answers, and I want them so badly...why, God, why can't You fix things? You are strong enough, no task is too small for you...the questions keep coming, and I know that asking them is getting me nowhere nearer to being satisfied with where I am.

Listening to a Mark Driscoll sermon definitely changed my perspective. He was preaching from the Beatitudes, and talking about how Jesus viewed the blessed.

"Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh." - Luke 6:20-21

Jesus says that the people who hunger, weep, and are poor are blessed...and one day, they will be blessed in His kingdom. This gives me so much hope, and so much to look forward to! I am thankful for the trials, because they put this life into perspective.

Still Undecided...

I wish there was a big sign outside my window telling me which university God wants me to go to. Or a loud, booming voice saying, "Claudia, go to this one!" I'm still expecting something along those lines...praying for a sign, a suggestion, anything to calm these nerves inside of me!

It's not fair that I'm limited to universities in my area...it's not fair that my boyfriend is going all the way to Virginia (12 hours away!) to the world's largest Christian university while I'm stuck here, miserable and unhappy. Oh, what I wouldn't give to do go where I wanted to, to not be limited by my parents. I know I shouldn't be complaining that things aren't fair, that they aren't the way I want them to be. Life is beautiful, and each day is a blessing from God. But then, why aren't I happy, like I should be?

Sometimes, I'm scared that God's plan for my life is to have me be miserable forever. Like, what if my deepest desire of being a mother doesn't come true? What if I watch everyone around me get married and start families while I'm single for the rest of my life?

I know these fears are irrational, that they are stupid and pointless. But I need to express them instead of burying them deep down inside of me. I need to write this out, to try and understand what I'm feeling, and why I'm feeling.

Father, I'm scared. I know I shouldn't be, because You're holding me in Your arms. You've got a plan for me, You know where I will be a year from now, ten years from now...please, God, I pray that You would calm my unsteady heart, and teach it to hope in You. Amen.

Transforming...

"...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes..."

- Isaiah 61:3

God is Creator, Scientist, Lover, Writer, Father...the list goes on and on and on. One of His jobs is as a Transformer...improving things and making them more beautiful.

How incredibly grateful I am for this, to know that God can take me, a sinful human being, a girl who's made so many mistakes...and turn me into beautiful. I love that, I love how He's powerful enough to do that. Change scares me, it is terrifying, but when God does the changing, it makes it seem more less scary. There's a hint of hope, of a different future. One day, a perfect future, with no tears or pain.

Early Morning Worship

Usually, I'm the kind of person that loves to sleep in on weekends. Since I have to wake up at 6:00 every morning during the week for school, it's nice to have couple days where you don't have to worry about getting up. Yet for some reason, I woke up early yesterday Sunday morning (early=8:00 AM) and couldn't get back to sleep. Ugh, I thought, might as well get up and walk the dog. So, I decided to let my mom sleep in while I took Isis for a walk in the forest.

Little did I know just what a blessing it would turn out to be. It was such a beautiful day - the sky was a pristine blue, and the sun provided me with just the perfect amount of warmth. It was...amazing. But as amazing as the view was, worshipping God in that place was even better. I don't get to attend the kind of church that I would want to on Sundays. My mom makes me go to Catholic church with her, and I go out of duty and obedience. Yet there is always something lacking in mass - at least, that's what I find. I come out of there wondering, Where's the joy, God?

I don't have the opportunity of worshipping in a large group, of being able to lift my hands to God without being stared down by people (I wouldn't even try such a thing at mass!). The congregation stands there with no emotion on their faces while songs are being sung about God's greatness and His glory. It makes me wonder if they even know Who it is we are singing about.

So on Sunday morning, I decided to have my own worship session. True, there wasn't a band playing or people around me singing...but I didn't need that, because the one thing that mattered was there. I was in God's presence, and I was praising Him.

God's wisdom

I realize I need to write more often than my once a week Thankful Thursday post, but life has been stressful (as always) and I haven't felt like blogging much. Days are flying by one right after the other, and I'm struggling to find time to breathe let alone blog. The daunting deadline of May 26 is approaching as well - the day when I need to accept to a University somewhere. I still have no idea where I'm going to go in September, and not knowing is really freaking me out. But I have to rest in the fact that God knows, and as long as He knows, I'll be okay with whatever.
I am thankful that I don't need to worry because God has a plan for me. I'm just a little scared because I don't know what it is...and I really want to! Sometimes, I wish that God had given me a day by day plan for my life, kind of like a scheduler for what's going to happen when (I'm really big on scheduling things!). But deep down, I know that isn't the best idea. God has to reveal things to us bit by bit, because He knows that we can't handle big news all at once. For example, if God told me a year ago today that I would be dating my current boyfriend, I would have totally freaked out! But God in His patience and wisdom revealed His will little by little...and it worked out for the best!
"How many are your works, O LORD! In wisdom you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures." - Psalm 104:24

Thankful Thursday...His Love

No matter what people say, love is incredibly conditional. We are all sinful people, and although we would all like to love unconditionally, it is impossible. How many times have you gotten mad at somebody because they didn't do what you wanted them to? Our expectations get in the way of loving others freely, and they harm relationships that we have with others. Thankfully, we have a God whose love has no conditions.

God doesn't care what we look like or where we come from. He won't love us any less because of how we look on a certain day, or because we forgot to run an errand. God loves us the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow...His love never fails and never fades.

I am so thankful for God's love. I don't need to strive for it or earn it...He gives it freely, and offers it to all.