My Wordle

Worship

I love worship - not just singing the songs and clapping my hands, but standing together as a church and giving God the praise He deserves.

I find that during worship times my mind can wander and I'm not fully concentrated on God. Thoughts about what I'm having for lunch or who I'm hanging out with in the evening usually fill my mind. I'm sure this lack of focus is common to many people...but is it what God wants from us?

No, of course not! God wants our whole heart, soul, and mind...meaning He wants our thoughts to be focused on Him! In order for myself to have this mindset of adoration and praise, I start my worship service a little earlier on Sunday. This includes singing songs to God while walking in the forest, praying, and meditating over Scripture. I also ask that God prepare me for worshiping Him with the congregation - that I would be focused on Him.

The thing about worship is that it defines your life - it is your life. Worship doesn't start when you walk into the sanctuary and end when you leave it. It is a decision to cultivate your time with God, praising Him and lifting high His name - both alone and with others.

Trying to do things without God

Key word: trying. Without God's strength, power, and provision, we usually end up failing at whatever we want to do. I consider myself a strong, independent person who doesn't need/want anyone, and this translates into how I live my life. Although I don't want to, I usually end up thinking I can do things without God's help.

An example of this is how I want to love + respect Joel more. I can get moody and emotional at times, and he is usually the one who receives all these negative emotions. There are times when I'm not moody at all and everything's fine - but it's an awful cycle that I've been trying to break for months now.

This morning, I realized that I had been trying to change without God's help. I haven't actually gotten down on my knees before the Lord and prayed desperately for Him to change my heart. I haven't told my friends to pray for me, either. I've been trying to love Joel more through my own strength - which is why it has been failing.

I know I need to love Joel, but not with my love and through my strength, but with and through God's. I need to rely on Him and trust Him to change me and to make our relationship stronger.

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13

Now I'm off to pray and put this before the Lord!

Evening Quiet Time with my Lord

I guess there's always a plus side to being alone and abandoned - it forces me to run to my Jesus. I need to remember that He is the only One that can satisfy me and that I need to look Him first.

Today taught me I need to RUN to my Lord - and that He will welcome me with arms wide open. How amazing and perfect He is, that I, a sinner, am welcome in the holiest arms of the universe. He loves me, and wants me to be fully in love with Him :)

"But you would be fed with the finest of wheat, with honey from the rock I would satisfy you." - Psalm 81:16

God promises to satisfy us :)

Secular vs. Christian Universities

This post may take the form of a rant as I try and describe the experience I had yesterday talking with a representative from a large (the largest) Christian university.

He was trying to get me to apply for the school, and I politely declined, saying that my parents were not letting me attend and I had already chosen a secular university. He kept pressuring me, and even told me that I had to choose between God and my family. Hm. Last time I checked, your university is not God.

Not only that, but he said that ALL of his friends who attended a secular university walked away from God - even though they were worship leaders and highly involved in the church. He warned me that if I didn't choose a Christian university, I would end up like them. Hm. I'm pretty sure God can keep me safe because He is strong enough to do that.

Anyways, I was furious...I know that he was just trying to get me to go to his university, but as a Christian, his first responsibility should be to encourage his fellow sister in Christ. I did not get that from him.

I realize that it will be hard next year, but I also need to trust in God. He is the One who is sending me there - He's got a plan for me, and that includes UofT. God needs lights to shine for Him all around the world - not just in Christian universities.