I think something is wrong with me...okay, I know that something is wrong with me. The problem is that I can't figure out what it is. I'm terribly moody and sad these days, and I'm feeling very unmotivated. I hate getting up in the mornings and having to face yet another day of school, work, and family. I feel lonely, yet when someone offers me their company, I don't want it. I'm enjoying my solitude to an unhealthy extreme. I want to cuddle up in my bed and hide from the big, scary world. Either that, or run away somewhere far, far away where no one knows me and I can start over again.
I know what you're thinking...and I have to admit, I don't sound like the happiest person. Maybe I'm just sick of pretending to be okay. Maybe I just want to be understood, for once in my life. Or maybe, I'm just insane and I can blame it on "spring fever"...
Obviously, I don't know much of anything right now, which can explain why I haven't posted in over a week. My mind has been full of thoughts that plague me every single second of the day...mostly thoughts about the future, like where the heck I'm going to be come September, along with a multitude of topics that I don't feel like sharing right now. These thoughts constantly attack me, and I get so overwhelmed at times that I can't do anything else but cry. I feel ridiculous and emotional and stupid - very stupid!
These moods are seeping into my relationships with people. I'm going back to retreating and hiding, and acting (which I am very good at, by the way). But what other option is there? Who would want to see all the ugliness that's going on underneath my cover? They would probably think I'm insane...either that, or guilt trip me with verses about how I'm supposed to be joyful and thank God in everything.
I know that...I know I'm supposed to thank God every single day, no matter how bad it gets. Honestly, His love is the only thing that gets me through the day, the only thing I can look forward to and hold tight to. I have to trust in Him, to give Him my everything...even though my everything is currently a very weak, broken, and fragile heart.
"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail." - Lamentations 3:19-22
3 comments:
It is okay to be sad sometimes, we are only human. Remember though that you are never alone. Sometimes when we feel at our lowest is when God is getting ready to take you to another place, the next level. You are growing in Him.
"If you go the wrong way to the right or to the left you will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the right way. You should go this way." Isaiah 30:21
I get that way from time to time - restless and out of sorts. It helps me to write things out, either in a journal or blog, or to talk to someone I feel safe with. Even if we don't talk about what I'm feeling at the time. I love getting together with friends who lift my spirits. Cuddling my cats help too. :) Maybe some of your mood is weather related? Imagine it's still nor too warm where you're at.
Thanks for being real. I enjoy your sincerity. I hope you have a good Easter weekend. God bless.
I found myself feeling similar here and there.
I came to relieze I needed to talk to someone about it all. I still havent but I feel better knowing that the person I have chosen will be there for me.
HOpe you feel better soon!!
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